New Secretary of Defense Robert Gates has denied pay raises to War-torn soldiers some of whose families are on food stamps and other types of government welfare. Gates who is a millionaire like most of Bush's buddies, except for the billionaires thinks that time off is a better bonus for our fighting women and men. "Military service is just that. It's not like public service where we can rob the public blind. Soldiers unlike politicians are supposed to have honor!": Gates explained.
President Bush waded in on the controversy: "This is a chickenhawk administration. None of us have been to war. We spared our asses from danger so we could grow up and get rich quick (though it did take me a pretty long time) . Soldiers on the other hand as I understand it are mostly really poor people with little education. We conservatives know that these people don't know what to do with money. That's why we never let them get any! But time they can deal with since they must have spent most of their lazy-ass lives sitting on said cushion. There must be plenty for a soldier boy to do on leave in downtown Baghdad. If I was there I'd go and look to get my self blown up. . . like Clinton did with that intern!"