In the wake of the horrific Virginia Tech murders, America has called on fallen icon Don Imus, asking that he return to his microphone to give them that which they so desperately need and which only he can adequately provide: hateful, racial slurs aimed at Koreans, the ethnicity of Cho Seung-Hui, the Virginia tech shooter.
There was a quiet tension in the radio studio, perhaps across all of America, as Don Imus sat down in front of his microphone for the first time since bigoted references to the Rutgers Women's Basketball team cost him his job. No one could be sure if he would still have what it takes to insult the very core of what it was to be of a race other than his own, in this case, Korean.
But America could breathe a collective sigh of relief as the old Imus stepped up to the mic.
"[Diatribe of Korean racial and ethnic slurs]" Imus began, to the enthusiastic clapping of radio staff and crew.
"Oh, it was just what we needed after a tragedy like this," said Colorado Congressman Tom Tancredo, after the performance, "He so perfectly characterized everything that was wrong with the shade of his skin, the shape of his eyes, his accent... I think he made fun of his name for about five full minutes! It... it was beautiful."
There was some annoying protestations from Korean-American and other Asian-American communities, but by and large, they were unable to mar the otherwise powerful event.
"I want to thank Don Imus, for returning to the tv and radio waves to help heal this nation," said President Bush at a televised press conference, "For this is how we heal, as a Nation. As the vampire's hunger demands the blood of a beautiful woman, a tragedy of this magnitude demands the vilification of an ethnic group. This has been a tried and true part of our culture since before we were one nation under God."
Bush added, "And by God, I'm clearly not referring to Allah here."