Written by jlurcott
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Topics: Weather, Polls

Tuesday, 20 January 2004

image for Cold Weather Blamed for Chillywillyness

All across the northern part of the northern hemisphere people are chilly. Recent polls show most believe there is a direct relationship between Freezing weather and being...not warm. But when the phrase direct relationship is used, visuals of less frigid experiences come to mind. It's true. The response to the questionnaire, "Does cold weather have an inverse relationship on your warmness", was met with disgusted looks by the more reserved folk and morbid interest by other.

For most being chilly is a time to bundle up and stay indoors. For Chilly Willy, of Woody Woodpecker fame, this is the "greatest time of the year". Chilly does not have to worry about annoying humans mucking up his frolicking time. Unfortunately, the happy time does not last all year long. For roughly half of the year Chilly must return to the south pole with his penguin peers or sign another contract with Woody Woodpecker.

For everybody else, the winter sucks. "I'm cold" says a local student in a crowd of hundreds of other cold people. This local student will also complain "I'm hot" once the sweat starts rolling. "There's just no pleasing some people" says Chilly Willy. ‘Try working with Woody for 6 months in a suit of fur during the warm months!"

For Chilly, the difficult part of winter is just what to do with all his free time. He often spends time ice fishing, but not for fish. "I'd love to hook a big fat *&)(& one day!" explained Chilly Willy. Chilly hates those triple quarter pounder diet cokers just as much as this writer does. Just one last comment from Chilly before I go, "I like fish".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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