Written by Arthur Zee
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Wednesday, 18 April 2007

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Award Winning Performer

A case pending in U.S. Federal Appeals Court marks the end of a six year battle between Hollywood's Screen Actors Guild (SAG) and all elected officials in the United States. The dispute, centered on the dramatic and comedic roles of US politicians, will determine if SAG membership will become mandatory for all officials appearing on television. The rules of engagement have been anything but clear.

Speaking outside the courtroom, SAG spokesperson Getmore Dews said "Politicians rarely have original thoughts, and mostly read from a script. And they always make faces and gestures on camera. To me, that's acting, So why should they be exempt from the rules governing our industry?"

Alexander Porque, representing The Council of Really Animated Politicians (CRAP), was quick to respond. "Elected officials in this country are not acting in the strict sense of the term. Sure, they rely on improv, and maybe a little interpretive dance, but except for Fred Thompson there's not a single actor in the bunch. Our guys were really screwed in that courtroom."

The California jury deliberated only eleven minutes before finding CRAP's defense to be without merit. But the politicians haven't given up yet. Their appeal, based solely on procedural matters, centers on the doctrine of peer selection within the jury pool.

CRAP's Porque explained, "Not one single juror had even been indicted, much less convicted of a crime. They couldn't relate to the politicians in any way. Our appeal, if successful, will demand a retrial with a jury pool that matches the criminal record of our political membership. Fair is fair. This is America, after all."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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