(Stetson) -- Don Imus former shock jock turned Apology Czar has will fly to Virginia today to apologize to everyone for everything.
"I know my words are to blame, that I hurt everyone," said the once mean-mouthed radio man. Imus does not own a gun -- or even a violent video game -- but nonetheless felt responsible for events in Virginia this week.
Rev. Al Tawana Sharpton and Rev. Jessie Hymie Jackson, spiritual healers and wordsmiths in their own rights, have not yet weighed in to help minister to the suffering community or, as is their particular speciality, affix blame and extract financial penance.
"I don't want to complain, but there it is, My tail's cold," said Eeyore.
"I'm sorry," said Imus.