WASHINGTON D.C.- For the first time the Bush White house is now admitting that it used private email accounts in an effort to sidestep Federal laws requiring that all White House communications be persevered. According to an undisclosed White House official the emails were used to hide the Bush administration's "dirty work" which included, blackmail, bribery, intimidation, and online psychics.
"We screwed up big time," White House Spokeswomen Dana Perino acknowledged to reporters, "over 5 million emails are gone but at least they are not as missing as Iraq's Weapons of Mass Destruction. In fact, we know exactly where they are...digesting in the entrails of Karl Rove."
All emails send and received by the White House through private email accounts were stored on portable USB flash drives that were hidden in a candy jar in the White House kitchen.
Apparently, in an effort to satisfy his sweet tooth top White House advisor Karl Rove inadvertently ate the USB flash drives, mistaking them for Jolly Ranchers.
"I take a handful of those things every hour," Rove admitted, "I never even noticed that I ate over 350 USB flash drives...they tasted exactly like Jolly Ranchers."
The missing emails are now causing the Bush administration a world of trouble and accusations that the administration is not neither honest or open with the American public.
House leader Democrat Nancy Pelosi told reporters, "I am sick of the Republicans hiding behind a veil of secrecy...its time for them to be more transparent. I will push this cause by asking President Bush and other male Republican officials to come over to my Capital Hill office and disrobing before me to prove their openness to the American people."
Meanwhile, Karl Rove told reporters that next week he plans to inadvertently eat former White House aid Scooter Libby and current Attorney General Alberto Gonzales saying, "my doctor told me it won't help my weight problem...but hey sometimes you gotta take one for the team."