George W. Bush has announced a new program to stimulate economic growth in America's manufacturing sector.
"The plan is simple," said George Bush, " We're going to give every business that contributes money to my campaign a million billion trillion dollars in tax breaks. That is only for businesses with three or more employees. Those with less than three people would get only a billion dollars."
The plan also addresses businesses who already don't pay a dime in taxes due to existing tax breaks or outright fraud. " To help these companies, we're just gonna give them a one time gift of ten trillion dollars and a new car. We estimate that with these new incentives the budget should be balanced in the year 2,765, which is pretty good, considering that I'll be long dead by then."
The plan has some restrictions. Any company headed by a registered Democrat will not be eligible under the Department of Homeland Security's Terrorist Sympathizer Rules, and anyone who's ever met Ted Kennedy will be excluded as well.
Vice President Dick Cheney has also announced that his former company Halliburton will be given a special gift, the state of Colorado,for them, in Mr. Cheney's words, " to do with what they will. " Mr. Cheney continued, "Halliburton has been getting a raw deal in the press recently just because they wanted to make a reasonable profit of six thousand percent on their government contracts, so we thought we'd do something nice for them just to let them know we love them."