Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Golf, Tiger Woods, PGA, NIKE

Thursday, 12 April 2007

image for Nike Drop Tiger Woods After "Bushes" Rumpus
Tiger's ball is in there, Peter

Sportswear giant Nike have dropped their no. 1 golf star, plastic-looking Tiger Woods, from their sponsorship roster, after he was discovered committing a lewd act at last week's Masters tournament in Augusta.

Nike, sometimes pronounced "Nikey" by retards, say Woods' conduct was "unbecoming for a man of his stature" and was a "poor example to young impressionable golfers" in a statement on its website.
Woods claims he was merely "practising a new grip", but the sports company are adamant.

Nike makes a range of Tiger Woods golfing apparel, as well as a childrens Tiger Woods plastic toy doll. It was this doll on which Tiger, himself, was first modelled.

Production of all Tiger Woods merchandise has been halted, and goods already in the shops are to be removed from shelves.

Nike pays Woods more than $10million per year to wear their clothing. Most of this is spent on plastic surgery and candy.

John Swoosh of their Marketing Department, said:

"A bigy company likey Nikey can'ty affordy bady publicity."

A long line of sportswear companies is jostling for Woods' signature, and amongst these, French giant le Coq Sportif is thought to be a frontrunner.

Chief Executive Alain Wancquer told TheSpoof!:

"We at le Coq Sportif would love to nurture Tiger's sporting cock."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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