Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 12 April 2007

image for Tarzan Star Cheeta Gets To 100
This lady will be sending out telegrams soon

A special cinematic milestone was passed yesterday, when Cheeta the chimp, the star of the early Tarzan films, celebrated his 100th birthday.

The hairy beast, who taught legendary swimmer Johnny Weissmuller how to yodel, is now a diabetic, and spent his big day at home eating sugar-free banana cake.

His owner, keeper and imprisoner, Dan Westfall, told TheSpoof!:

"He was very pleased with his telegram from the Queen of England. He wiped his arse on it."

Art critic Cheeta has, in the past, had drink problems, but fought through his addiction, and has avoided the unwanted limelight that stardom often brings.

"He hasn't touched a drop in 16 years", said Westfall, adding "and there have been no seedy sex scandals.
Not unless you count that unsavoury incident with Michael Jackson and Bubbles."

Brought from Africa in the 1930s, Cheeta has been an outspoken opponent of slavery, and has said he would one day like to be free to return to his homeland for "one last swing through the trees" before he dies.

Neighbours at his California home said that they hoped that would be soon.

John Poacher, who lives next door, said:

"He plays the piano all night. Really poorly. I wish I could get my hands on him!."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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