(SEACAUCUS, NJ) -- CBS Radio and MSNBC talk show host, shock jock, and gangsta rap aficionado Don Imus, 83 (liver, 113) has told members of his immediate family, a few perplexed kids at the Imus ranch, a company of marines working out at the Imus Intrepid Center, and his "black friend" Chicago Columnist Clarence Page that he will undergo sex and race change operations during the two weeks that his show is off the air.
The octogenarian's olde time radio and minstrel show was suspended after he used a racist and sexist slur to refer to the Rutgers University women's basketball team. To take full advantage of this "educable moment," Imus agreed to go beyond his suggestion of adding a broadcaster of color to add perspective to his show and in his words " to go the full monty" of becoming a black woman.
At press time, the recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and father of one, was considering career options to utilize his particular skill sets including working as a black woman shock jock (and suing his former producer) and given his quick witted use of street slang and knowledge of both hip as well as hop, possibly becoming a rap artist.
The former broadcaster known for wearing a cowboy hat and western garb to his NYC apartment and NJ radio studio, despite his avowed heterosexuality, was reportedly last seen in Harlem asking some female "professionals" on 125th Street for directions to the Apollo Theater.
A former sportscaster for Imus whose physical size was frequently the subject of slurs and disparaging comments suggested on condition of anonymity that Imus become a black woman rapper "of size."
Asked for comment on the affair, former NYT columnist and television broadcaster Gwen Ifill, a svelt black woman with whom Imus had a dustup over a racial and sexual slur a decade ago, offered a simple "whatever" as she sped off to interview a senior White House official about the President's latest speech to the American Legion about how well the war in Iraq is going and how delayed troop homecomings are all the Democrats' fault.