Written by K.C. Bell
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Monday, 9 April 2007

image for Alberto Gonzales To Resign - Opening Restaurant
Food prepared at your table.

Washington Toast - Reliable, unnamed, senior level, faceless, White House sources have disclosed, in a darkened downtown garage, after a red geranium potted plant was placed on a apartment fire escape, that Alberto Gonzales will be resigning soon, real soon, like pronto, from his position as Attorney General, filling his future years (or at least until his government pension kicks in) running a soon to be opened restaurant serving authentic German cuisine. Ole!

Well, why not? As Attorney General, having dismissed the Geneva Convention as a "quaint document"; established that "water boarding" was an okay practice on suspected terrorists; wire tapped telephones of U.S. tax payers; and appointed cronies in positions of responsibility at the Justice Department; Alberto obviously knows as much about German cooking as jurisprudence.

Unlike his rather vague: I can't remember; who knows; I wasn't there; I was there but asleep; I was there, but distracted shredding the Constitution; form of management at the Justice Department, Mr. Gonzales intends to micro manage his new eatery with the help of an experienced former government staff.

Still clinging to the top of the mast of the sinking ship of state after the recent report that there was no al-Qaeda, 9/11 connection in Iraq, Vice President Cheney, ("There is too a connection.") was offered the job as maitre d. Cheney declined the position, as he still has his comfy thirty million dollar retirement package from Hallliburton. Oi? Could there have been a conflict of interest?

Instead, Monica "I'm taking the fifth for everything" Goodling may step into the spot serving once again as Gonzales liaison between boss and public. Convicted felon (for obstructing justice in the investigation of the outing a CIA operative) Scooter Libby is looking for a job and could work busing tables, while Carl Rove will manage the telephones and reservations. George Bush, so good at finger waving to never seen people while walking across White House lawns, could work as a dishwasher. No, too much responsibility. Sweep the floors? No, requires a degree of dexterity. Put in charge of the pretzel barrel? Not a good idea. Planted with megaphone in front of the restaurant hustling in eaters? Yes.

"Can you hear me now? Yeah? Come eat at Alberto's German Cuisine Hole In The Wall Gang Tandoorie Restaurant in the middle of Baghdad. "

Ole!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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