In a shocking admission that has D.C. turned upside down, President Bush informed the world at a press conference today of his torrid love affair with conservative author Ann Coulter.
Appearing rather stiff, the President hopped to the podium and stoically gave the announcement in ventriloquist fashion. He spoke in one sentence sound bytes:
"Good evening my fellow Americans."
"It's good to be here."
"I love conservative author Ann Coulter."
"She's pretty; and a real doll at that."
"I knew that when I first met her-" (Giant feminine hand reaches behind his back and dislodges stuck string. It continues recoiling...)
"...that we were made from the same mold."
Ann Coulter hops to the podium and talks in one sentence sound bytes as well:
"George Bush loves me."
"He's the President."
"He's everything I've looked for in a man."
"He's a real action figure."
"I really dig that flight suit he's wearing."
"Buy my book."
The two started making out as each had a giant hand forcing their bodies together. A loud smooching sound could be heard thundering from above.
Then they jumped onto a desk, hopped over a book titled "Treason," and landed in a Malibu beach house where they partied all night with their friends Ken and Barbie.
Then, in the distance, a tapping was heard...
"Mrs. Coulter?" (voice coming through closed door)
"Mrs. Coulter, your agent is here to discuss your book tour. Shall I send him in?"
"Umm... just a minute."
Then Bush, Coulter, Ken, Barbie, and the beach house all fell into a desk drawer which quickly closed causing a sudden blackout.
And that was the end of the Bush/Coulter passionate love affair-until the next day when it started all over again.