Nashville, Tennessee - Eco-mouth piece, Al Gore, who was recently criticized for spending more on electricity annually than the entire country of Panama, revealed today, the reason for his "bloated" electric bill. He blames it on a home-based business he started last year.
"I feel I must come clean with the American people about my newest project to turn off global warming and protect endangered habitats. I am producing in my basement, 'Polar Bear Peeps' with all proceeds going to help this once thriving species, now endangered. In cooperation with the 'Just Born' company, manufacturers of 'Peeps' marshmallow candy, we are making a Polar Bear Peep, very much like the chick and bunny 'Peeps' produced by the large company. They will be ready just in time for Easter."
Several rumors have been quelled as to "what" Mr. Gore was doing in his basement, to use up that much energy. They range from the weird and bizarre to the strange and unusual:
- Operating an aluminum smelter.
- Running an unlicensed coalmine.
- Rebuilding the "Space Ship" recovered at the Roswell crash site.
- Powering a crematorium for disgruntled Democrats and last but not least…
- Building an underground shelter, climate controlled, with enough food for his family and twenty of his Mormon neighbors, in the event of another Ice Age.
"Mothers Against Rotund Kids Education and Development" (MARKED) say they are not happy with Mr. Gore's choice of business. "We believe Mr. Gore is promoting obesity by encouraging children to eat 'Polar Peeps' instead of more nutritious foods," they said.
"Hey, I can't please the fat mom's, but the bears love me," Mr. Gore responded.