Written by K.C. Bell
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 2 April 2007

image for Gone With Gonzales
"Call me forgetful."

Similar to Scooter Libby, Alberto Gonzales just plain forgot quite a lot that happened under his watch as head of the Justice Department. Like personally approving the dismissal of eight U.S. attorneys who somehow were not marching to the White House Rove/Bush tune.

"That was done by a subordinate who resigned. I take full responsibility for his actions. Case closed." Adios.

Whoa. Not so fast, pilgrim. In executing the duty of their office, which is suppose to be independent of partisan politics, the magnificent eight U.S. attorneys pursued and prosecuted Republicans and not evil, kitten eating, cattle rustling, well poisoning Democrats! Remember Republican Representative Duke Cunningham of San Diego who admitted taking $3 million in bribes and is now in jail? His prosecutor was fired. Dismissed. Canned. Out. Adios.

The canned eight U.S. attorneys are high noon fighting mad, guns steaming and very articulate. One U.S. attorney from Arkansas was unceremoniously replaced by a friend of Karl Rove. The good, the bad and the ugly of this plan appears to be that when Hillary runs for President in '08, the Rove appointee will pursue a Kevin Starr type White Water witch-hunt against the candidate. Last witch-hunt cost tax payers $30 million and proved nothing; $30 million that could have gone a long way to help the Katarina victims.

Unlike Alberto Gonzales' dicey memory, Khalid Sheikh Mohanned is singing like a tenor opening night at the opera, confessing to everything under the sun from 9/11 to killing Daniel Pearl. On a water board long enough, he'll probably confess to standing on the grassy knoll, driving a white Ford Fiesta in the Alma tunnel and being the father of Anna Nichole Smith's baby. With added board time, he could also confess to being behind the dismissal of the eight U.S. attorneys.

Repeating the administrations talking points, Alberto Gonzales stated that he serves at the pleasure of the President, but judging from the President's twitching, stammering, blinking, inability to collect his thoughts and verbalize two complete sentences, George is falling short on the pleasure stick, and Alberto should resign pronto. Laura can take up the slack and corral action in the pleasure department.

"Look, honey, this pleasure wagon left the reservation years ago."

Okay.

The distribution of a fistful of Presidential Medals of Freedom should follow. Adios.

Read more by this author:

Make K.C. Bell's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 4?

1 21 4 22
84 readers are online right now!

Go to top