Washington, D.C. - At a Presidential press conference today, Bush announced to confused reporters that he will run for re-election. When one reporter asked the President if he couldn't count to two, Bush laughed and then had that reporter beaten and arrested.
When the noise from the beating quieted down, Bush announced that in order to do this he was planning on ramming through a 28th amendment to the US constitution that would once again give a person the ability to run for as many terms as he wanted. He further explained that once he was re-elected for his third term he would ram through a change to article II section 1 of the constitution, saying, "Shoot, I don't want you guys to have to keep re-electing me every 4 years, so I'm going to change the term of office to a minimum of life, maybe even longer if I can figure out how to communicate from Heaven."
When another reporter asked Bush why anyone would vote for him a third time Bush had the reporter shot, arrested, and shot again. This lead to a hysterical fit of laughing from the President. Once he had himself under control he answered, "If you don't vote for me then the liberals will let the gays and the terrorists get married. Then you'll have gay terrorists teaching your children about evolution and tolerance. Is that what you want you hippies, because if you do you're un-American." Bush then ended the press conference by having everyone present arrested for being unpatriotic by asking questions.