Written by Ace Ventura
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Topics: Sex

Monday, 2 April 2007

image for Female Crime Wave Worsens
The lynx effect

In New York City a terrible plague has hit a crime wave. Women aged 20-25 have been kidnapping men beetween 18-29 and sexually assaulting them.

One victim, Henry Charmer, said "I really didnt mind that girl who kidnapped me was hooot!" he then winced as the nurse took the spikes off his ass.

Lead Detective Alex Lynx said he managed to catch a girl in the library before she attempted to assault a young man. Alex, who has been on the case for three months, says he cant seem to crack the case.

Lynx is son of the owner of the Lynx deodorant company, famous for its branded Lynx Effect and who last month released their new product Lynx Vice.

Alex says that the victims don't have anything in common other than being young and good looking. Lynx who also commented it is only hot blondes and brunettes that seem to go under this crime wave the latest criminal.

Christina DDcup who was caught in the library was ripping open the victim's shirt and was about to repeatedly stamp his chest with an OVERDUE stamp. No word yet on how the victim is yesterday Alex Lynx called me saying that he may have cracked the case and will meet with me tomorrow.

Alex Lynx suspects the crimes may be due to the fact that all the young men wore his family's new product Lynx Vice - which contains the Forbidden Fruit a scent that attracts young beautiful women and makes them lose all self control and go sexually crazy.

All those who have purchased it are asked to please not use it and bring it into NYPD Precinct 13

Ace Ventura

Will Buy any Lynx Vice Bottle for three hundred dollars. Ace needs lovin tonight!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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