Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 1 April 2007

image for Bill Clinton offers to catch cancer
"Just a minor chronic condition would be invaluable"

Washington DC - (Foolish Press): Greater love hath no spouse or political mentor than to lay down their public image for a few all important votes.

And in a bid to rev up his wife's flagging campaign ratings former US President Bill Clinton has offered to catch cancer and undergo gruelling public chemo in the run up to the Democratic Party's 2008 presidential caucus next year.

High on his list of personal preferences are suspected cervical cancer and minor skin melanoma whose tumors can be dealt with by out-patient surgery in 99% of early cases.

Somewhere at the bottom of the wish list is prostate and testicular cancer (ask any man), breast cancer (too girly), colonic cancer (just SO Tony Snow), bowel cancer (messy and non-televisual), lung cancer (US tobacco lobby sponsors would have a fit), brain cancer (a no-brainer, this one), oesphageal cancer (too many damned tubes), bladder cancer (see prostate/testicular), stomach cancer (incurable), kidney cancer (dialysis horror) and leukaemia (too bloody awful).

Today Hillary's 2008 campaign manager confirmed her office was watching John Edwards' ratings and ringing Tony Snow's wife for PR tips as the battle for headlines enters the all-important public slagging match stage.

Monica Lewinsky is 31.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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