The campaign season got off to one hum-dinger of a start today when earlier this morning President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney made a rather unorthodox yet daring stunt. It appears that Bush talked Cheney into hang gliding out into the Atlantic to land on an aircraft carrier.
"C'mon, Dickey," I [Bush] said. "Let's see if we can do it. And if we survive, think of the media buzz it'll stir!" At first Cheney was hesitant. He wanted to consult his physician, but the Prez wouldn't let him dial out. After a few moments of taunting and calling him a momma's boy, Cheney popped a couple of nitros and hollered, "Let's roll!"
So unbeknownst to their wives, the public or the media, yesterday they geared up on top of the White House and launched themselves off the West Wing roof. Catching an updraft, they soared across the White House lawn barely clearing the trees.
As Bush and Cheney were manning the single sailing wing, a battalion of secret service were following close behind in their own gliders. The Prez and Veep formed the head of this aerodynamic v-shaped flock of flying officials.
At first they drifted around Washington hitting all the major tourist spots: The Lincoln Memorial, The Jefferson Memorial, Capitol Hill (where they dropped a few water balloons), and The Washington Monument (Cheney rather enjoyed skimming across the reflecting pool).
But soon it was time to get down to campaign business, so after spiraling up The Washington Monument, causing Dick to become dizzy, they headed out for the ocean soaring high above the countryside (and all democratic contenders).
Once out over the Atlantic, they hit the jet stream catapulting them towards the carrier. Bush was amused that the unexpected jolt and acceleration caused Cheney to "feed the fish." He razzed the 2nd in command for the better part of their flight which grew tiresome after a while.
As the clear blackness of night gave way to the streaming florid rays of dawn, and as the twinkling stars that guided their way faded into the bluing morn sky, the carrier became visible off on the horizon. Bush woke Cheney and told him to prepare for landing.
After circling a few times and receiving landing clearance, the two made their approach. Coming in from behind they swooped down onto the deck.
However, due to a slight miscalculation in distance, they were forced to perform a "touch-n-go" in which they had to keep running and take-off on the front of the ship in order to try and land again. Crew reported that this touch-n-go looked and sounded like the Flintstones running their leg-powered cars.
So they circled around, made another approach, and landed safely. The secret service behind them landed as well in a single line one after the other. The gliders were stored on deck.
The two were greeted with thundering applause and cheers. Cheney made a quick trip to the head, Bush was not in need of toiletry services. After a short speech and pleasantries with the crew, it was time to fly again.
W. informed Dick that they were to take off and make their way to the Persian Gulf. Cheney promptly declined and hitched a helicopter ride back to the states.
Bush took off to more thundering applause and cheers, as well as a 50 kite salute. As the day-glo kites, hovering high above the ship, waved good-bye to the Commander in Chief , he turned around, gave a salute, and said, "God bless America."
The President was last seen sailing over the ocean with the secret service and a wayward gaggle of honking geese following close behind.