International Sapce Station - (Ass Press): Disgraced love-tug astronut Captain Lisa Nowak is set to redeem her tacky image and run this year's Boston Marathon on board the International Space Station.
For just 24 hours the ISS's recently erected extension will become a minature cosmic Bean Town and the US Navy commander will be tied to a treadmill to combat the effect of weightlessness.
"That'll be the best bit," said on-board bondage enthusiast colleagues eyeing some NASA-issue stars and stripes rope specially commissioned for the occasion.
"Maybe she could also go topless but wear a pink rubber pinnie and mask for our NASA HQ bosses," chipped in another colleague.
"And some fur-lined cuffs and a bunny tail for our sponsor Donald Trump!"
Nowak qualified for the event earlier this year by displaying unusual physical prowess in the parking lot smashing event when she confronted a love rival armed with a knife, a crowbar and various US Navy combat implements.
She is reported as having already broken the NASA record for the length of time in space by a woman.
Now she is poised to break the all-time US record for continuous time in space before she returns home in the summer to see if her formal love rival wants to go another 15 rounds in a Walmart parking lot armed only with a machete, cattle prod and can of spray paint.
For the past three years NASA organisers have worked flat-out to accommodate marathon qualifiers who cannot take to the streets of Boston.
AND now BBC TV has reported that NASA is sending trophies, water bottles and finishing line tape to ISS-stationed astronuts to make the event feel like the real McCoy.
Captain Nowak is the first Boston marathon runner to attempt the course while orbiting 210 miles above the surface of the Earth.
"For Lisa to choose to run the 26.2 miles in space, semi-naked, in bondage gear, on Patriots Day is really a tribute to the thousands of marathoners who are running here on Earth."