Written by Skews Me
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Sunday, 1 April 2007

image for Uncle Sam desperately needs you
I so dearly need you to execute

American government agencies have been busy trying to enlist new recruits using novel methods never attempted before the days of the War on Terror.

The most recent campaign was launched by the military at paintballing centers across the nation. "Usually the people that are interested in paintball have a propensity toward enlisting into the United States Army. So what we have to do is just get them to get a chance to speak to an Army recruiter," said Maj. Levie Conway, U.S. Army recruiter.

Thousands of young men and dozens of women have signed up for a hitch in the service as a result of the recent campaign.

If armed combat is not your thing, the Central Intelligence Agency has also been actively recruiting. From approaching potential agents on ski slopes to offering a tongue in cheek quiz on their website, the CIA has had modest success in recruiting as well.

"The thrill-seekers we've been bringing on board will be most valued assets," said a CIA spokeswoman. College campuses are still prime targets to recruiting assures the CIA. "They need a degree," she said.

The Spoof would like to remind potential candidates to government service that you will lose all sense of autonomy: your life will no longer be your own.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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