There was almost universal grief and despair this morning when it was announced by a family spokesman that Michael Jackson is dead.
The 48-year-old construction worker died suddenly yesterday, after falling more than 30ft from scaffolding whilst working on a renovation project in his home town of Muncie, Indiana.
Mr Jackson was a well-known and respected member of the community, and had never, to the best of anyone's knowledge, interfered with young children's private parts, or dangled a baby over a hotel balcony.
Nor, say friends, did he suffer from a debilitating skin disorder that changed his skin from being black to white or, indeed, vice versa.
His work colleagues have expressed a great love for him and say that he was a pleasure to be with.
One man, who didn't want to be identified, for fear of being labelled a closet paedophile, said:
"He would do the craziest things. He was Wacko!"
Mr Jackson is survived by his estranged wife and three children, but not by a chimp called Bubbles.
"We would like to make it clear that the deceased Michael Jackson above, is not, and is no relation of, Michael Jackson the perverted King of Pop who used to live at Neverland surrounded by young, impressionable children.
That Michael Jackson is not dead yet."