Written by John Andreini
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Topics: John McCain

Wednesday, 28 March 2007

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ATLANTA, GEORGIA - John McCain's campaign announced this morning that the presidential hopeful will park the Straight Talk Express bus and begin a special month-long campaign blitz to be called The Pander Patrol.

McCain's campaign manager Hal White said, "We're putting ourselves to the test by seeing how many groups John can pander to in thirty days. It will be grueling, but we're all very excited about it."

The Pander Patrol will start from Atlanta, Georgia, move through the Deep South, turn north through Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas and Nebraska and conclude at the Aryan Nation compound three hours north of Boise, Idaho.

The goal is to pander to at least one group or group of individuals per day during the trip. The hit list includes: Bus stations, headquarters of the Ku Klux Klan and Daughters of the American Revolution, drug rehab centers, Pentecostal churches, tattoo parlors, laundry mats, cock fights, rifle ranges, Civil War reenactments, police hostage situations and large fires, gun shows, circuses, and any large-scale natural disasters that might occur.

As usual, McCain was blunt when commenting on the project. "I will say anything to anyone to become president of the United States. It's that simple."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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