Written by Chuck Terzella
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Topics: George W. Bush, Mars

Saturday, 10 January 2004

President George W. Bush has announced plans to establish a permanent research station on the moon and send a manned mission to the planet Mars in an attempt to find intelligent life, namely, his brain.

"Ever since I was selected by the Supreme Court back in the year...uh...whatever, I have had people looking for my brain," the President was quoted as saying, "It's been a long hard search, but if we don't find my mind, then the terrorists will have won."

Continuing, the President said, "Since we've exhausted the search on Earth, it stands to reason that my brain must be in space or on some other planet. I mean, it's gotta be somewhere."

NASA officials, while privately dismissing the idea that Bush's brain was anywhere in this galaxy, welcomed the announcement. "We really have wanted to get back into space exploration in a big way and the search for George Bush's brain could take decades, maybe centuries. With this as a mission statement, we'll be in business forever.", said a NASA spokesman.

The ‘Find My Mind' initiative, as it is tentatively being called is expected to cost, to paraphrase Carl Sagan, "Billions and billions of dollars", which is in keeping with the Bush Administrations goal of bankrupting America in the shortest time possible.

Administration official Wegman "Pudgy" Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, "It started out as a joke, you know? Some of us were sitting around the White House with the President playing Chutes and Ladders and Colin Powell mentioned that the Chinese wanted to go to the moon. Rumsfeld said, "What have they lost their minds?" and Bush just jumped on it as way to find his own brain, which as you know has been lost for the past fifty years. We thought he was joking, forgetting for the moment that people without brains don't have a real developed sense of humor, so we said we'd get right on it. It just sort of snowballed from there."

The Administration said that the space program may also have the unintended benefit of finding America's lost moral compass and possibly even Osama bin Laden.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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