Former Mafia kingpin Anthony Falsetto has become a Senior Tax Collection Agent for the Internal Revenue Service, according to IRS Commissioner Mark Everson.
"Mr. Falsetto has all the qualities we are looking for in an IRS agent", Everson said at a press conference. "After reviewing Mr. Falsetto's application, I have found him to be very well qualified for the position. He has a number of years of collection experience and proved himself an exceptional manager overseeing several collection agents in his previous job. He will be an asset to the IRS".
"It takes a special man to be a Senior Tax Collection Agent", said incoming IRS Commissioner Kevin Brown. "It's not every man that is heartless enough to kick an old woman out of her home that she's lived in for 60 years, or destroy the life of a small business owner with two children, or imprison a man for 20 years for making a mistake on his taxes. Mr. Falsetto will personally oversee the serving of eviction notices, confiscation of property, collection of past debts, freezing of bank accounts and the prosecution and sentencing of criminal defendants - in that order".
Brown assumes the position of IRS Commissioner on June 1.
Several reporters visited Falsetto at his office in Washington, D.C.
"I love this new job", Falsetto said. "Now I can do all the things I love without being hounded by the law. I AM the law."
"You there, Mr. New York Times reporter", falsetto said while pointing at NY Times correspondent Kurt Eichenwald. "Is that your Lexus out there?" Falsetto pointed out the window at a 2007 Lexus parked against the sidewalk below his office.
"Yes it is", Eichenwald replied"
"Not anymore", Falsetto flashed a grin as a tow truck hooked up Eichenwald's car and started towing it away. "Now it's ours. I reviewed your records for the past seven years. That's just a start. If you say some good things about me maybe I'll get it back for ya".
"One of the best things about the job", Falsetto continued, "Is that I don't have to kill people anymore. I just take away their lives and they kill themselves. And it's all legal! Guilty until proven innocent. I love it!"
Falsetto says he hopes to work his way up to Commisioner by the end of 2008.