In a move that is likely to trigger a sea change in American politics, Terrence R. McAuliffe, Chair of the Democratic National Committee (DNC), announced in press conference today that it had been acquired by George soros for $7.5 billion in unmarked bills.
Speaking for the DNC, Mr. McAuliffe said that it was a surprisingly " . . easy decision to make once we had all the facts. As soon as I noted that $7. 5 billion divided by 440--the number of members of the DNC--gives each member a cool payout of $17, 045, 045. 56, the DNC was ready to vote. The vote actually was unanimous this time. We didn't have to throw out any dissenting votes."
Mr. McAuliffe was asked by a reporter if he saw any major changes in the policies of the DNC. He replied in the negative."Mr. Soros has been a long-term friend of the DNC. He has said to me that he only wanted the DNC to adopt two very minor proposals: that the tax code be amended to exempt his income from all federal, state, and local taxes; and, that Anne coulter, Rush limbaugh, Shaun Hannity, and Michael Savage be publicly hung, drawn, and quartered in front of the Lincoln Memorial. I understand that as we speak the Democratic staff of the House and the Senate are drafting said legislation."
When Mike Duncan, Chairman of the Republican National Committee (RNC) was queried on the possibility of his organization being acquired, he replied sadly: "We're just not worth much now. I don't know of anyone stupid enough to buy the RNC. When Regan was President, the RNC was worth something, but our value has been declining for almost 20 years. Off the record, if the RNC was a stock, I'd sell it."