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Saturday, 24 March 2007

image for "Polar Bears Cheated At Jeopardy," Claims Congressmen Hinchey. His Committee To Investigate Jeopardy For Rigging Contest Between Democrats and Polar Bears.
Pelosi-Boxer Bill To Remove Polar Bears From Endangered Species List And Permit Their Hunting With 20mm Cannons.

Addressing an empty phone booth in the basement of the Smithsonian Institution, Congressman Maurice Hinchey (Democrat: Mental Asylum of New York State) asserted that his Committee on Fairness In Media and Alien Children Living Among Us will hold hearings on a recent episode of the venerable game show Jeopardy.

In his speech, Mr. Hinchey speaking before a mop and bucket of dirty water, identified the offending episode of Jeopardy as the special charity match between two teams: one representing the Democrats, playing for billionaire financier George Soros, and one representing the polar bears, playing to pay their mounting legal bills in their class-actionsuit against Al gore.

"Look at how rigged the show was, " continued Mr. Hinchey."Senator Hillary Clinton (Democrat: Lunatic Republic of New York), Senator Barbara Boxer (Democrat: Peoples Republic of California), and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (Democrat: Peoples Republic of California) were facing overwhelming disadvantages. The deck was stacked against them. They couldn't win."

According to Mr. Hinchey, the rules limited the Democratic team to just one minute for consultation before providing a question, and a direct internet link to Wikipedia.

"The polar bears had a huge advantage, " continues Mr. Hinchey "They were locked in a cage and had a disconnected buzzer. Despite fighting against such insurmountable odds, our Democratic team kept the score close entering Final Jeopardy."(Independent sources have confirmed the score as polar bears 0, Democrats minus $4750 at this point.)

"Now, the bias of Jeopardy became obvious, " continued Mr. Hinchey."Our Democratic team was given $10, 000 to wager in Final Jeopardy. They lost this amount because they were given an impossible question to answer." (Independent Sources have confirmed the final score as polar bears 0, democrats minus $14,750.)

Mr. Hinchey refused to provide us with the actual answer in Final Jeopardy, but begged us to come to his next hearing to be held on a park bench next to the Jefferson Memorial, pigeons permitting."People don't seem to come to my hearings anymore. Please come. I'll provide popcorn and soda."

According to an unidentified spokesperson for Jeopardy the final answer for that night's show was "State whose name begins with New and ends with York." The same source also said the question provided by the Democratic team was "Wat iz ida hO?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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