Written by Jalapenoman
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Friday, 23 March 2007

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The ACLU goes before the courts next week in its complaint against itself

The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) has filed a lawsuit against itself in Federal court. The lawsuit cites the organizations failures to hire minority candidates and seeks $500 million dollars in damages.

Attorney for the ACLU, Martin Scumbagski, said that "when women apply for secretarial jobs, they are not chosen based on typing or filing skills. Hiring favoritism is definitely shown to the blonde white women with the largest breasts. Walk through the offices at their New York City building and look at the women. You won't find one flat chested redhead or fat hispanic in the staff positions; those types are acceptabel as lesbian lawyers, but not as secretaries or clerks."

When asked what the ACLU would do with the money if they were to win the suit, he said that "well, we would obviously have to pay a few bills, just like everyone else. Then we would probably improve the offices, bidding the job out to gay interior decorators with sissy sounding names. Of course, we couldn't spend too much money as we do have a large lawsuit hanging over us."

In turn, asked what he would do if they were to lose the case, the lawyer said that "it would be devestating for the rights of the average American citizen and a blow to democracy everywhere. We would take this to the highest levels of the supreme court."

When asked if he would represent the ACLU as the defendant or as the plaintiff's attorney, he just laughed. "Represent ourselves? You're kidding! We'll do what everyone else does and hire some rich Jew to do the job."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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