Written by Gabrielle Birchak
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Friday, 23 March 2007

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Sen. Clinton Pimps Her MySpace Account

In an effort to get involved with the 2008 Presidential Race, MySpace is featuring presidential candidates on its portal, terming it "The Impact Channel."

Eager to be first on the MySpace bandwagon, Senator Hillary Clinton had her Space up and running within 69 seconds of the Impact Channel's portal. Her current MySpace name is "Al Gore Invented the Internet, I Invented the Pant Suit." Clinton designed her Space with the classic features of a friends list and videos, featuring a touching video montage of Bill barbequing pork ribs. Like every other MySpace user, Clinton's first friend is Tom and her second friend is Gay Chad. Additionally, she has pimped her Space with a lovely red and white pin striped background and freefalling glittery angels. Her song of choice is Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back." Her first comment is from Dick Cheney, and is glittery, flashy and shows the traditional half-naked chick in a thong, massaging her breasts. The comment reads, "Happy Hump Day."

Barack Obama arrived on MySpace's Impact Channel shortly after Clinton with a leopard print background and the featured song, "White and Nerdy" by Weird Al Yankovic. Though it appears he took his profile picture in haste, fans do not seem to mind - within 30 minutes of posting on MySpace, he made 17,358 friends. Fifty percent of these friends come from groups including Star Trek, Scrapbook Addicts and Bring Back Pogs. Forty-nine percent of Obama's friends want to share their "work from home, make millions" secrets or give away iPods. The final one percent of Obama's friends think he is "hot" and want to "hook up for a good time."

The third presidential candidate to post on MySpace's Impact Channel enters with a bang - literally. John McCain's MySpace account sports a lovely background of glittery rifles and freefalling, glittery purple hearts. Most impressive about McCain's Space is that it features video clips of his own stand-up comedy routine, complete with a David Letterman laugh track. Another noticeable feature of McCain's site includes his own song listings, for others to add to their own Spaces. Some notable McCain originals include, "I'm Right, I'm Left, I'm Ambidextrous," "Jon Stewart - I Love You" and "Working with the Washington Boobs." His first friend comment is glittery, flashy and shows the traditional half-naked chick in a thong, massaging her breasts with a message that reads, "Happy Hump Day." Ironically, the comment also comes from Dick Cheney.

Experts are not expecting that the Impact Channel will influence voting among a younger generation. However, studies show that since the implementation of MySpace's Impact Channel, visitor usage has increased to over 113 percent, with the majority of visitors registering under the names Dick Cheney, Richard Cheney, Ricky Boy Cheney, Ricky Bobby Cheney and George W. Bush.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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