Written by dalepetrie
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Topics: Police, Baby

Friday, 9 January 2004

image for Elicia Battle Claims She Lost Her Ticket to See "My Baby's Daddy"
I lost my ticket....again!

Cleveland, Ohio

Elicia Battle, the Euclid, Ohio woman who filed a false police report claiming she had purchased and then lost the winning ticket for the December 30 $162 Million Mega Millions Jackpot, was spotted at the Loews Cineplex Magic Johnson Theater in the Cleveland suburb of North Randall, arguing with the theater's manager.

According to witnesses, Battle tried to sneak past the usher, but was asked for her ticket by the astute young man at the gate. An argument ensued, and as one witness put it, "she be gettin' all loud and shit, den she get all up in his face sayin' she just loss' her ticket and she wanna see tha managa and shit, and he all like ‘dat be fine with me', knawamsayin? So he call tha managa all up in theh, and tha managa be all like ‘what the problem is, yo' knawamsayin? Den she all sayin' she los' her ticket, and she goan call her lawya and shit, cuz she pay ten twenty fie' fo' that ticket, knawamsayin', and she ain't be made of no money and shit. She just wan' see My Babydaddy, knawamsayin', cuz you know, beyotch like that can relate, knawamsayin'? He done what I'da done, he kick her sorry azz' on out to tha curb, knawamsayin'?"

When asked for comment, Battle claimed she bought the ticket about an hour before the show, and then got in her car to drive to a nearby Quizno's where she thinks she may have mixed her ticket in with her money and accidentally handed it to the cashier when paying for her medium Hot Beefeater and lemonade.

Though her story seems credible based on her knowledge of what she ordered and how much it cost, and because Quizno's employees say they remember seeing Battle at the counter that night, unfortunately for Battle there was no sign of a movie ticket in any of the cash drawers.

She claims she knows she bought the ticket for that show, because she wanted to go to the 9:25 show because she was 9 once, and a friend of her mom just turned 52, so she transposed the numbers and came up with 25, and because these were the numbers, she bought a ticket for the 9:25 show, and she bought it at 8:04, she knows because she's been arrested 8 times and convicted 4.

She claims if she could just see the contents of the theater's cash drawer she could identify the bill she paid with because it had been folded right down the middle.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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