Written by John Andreini
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Topics: George W. Bush

Wednesday, 21 March 2007

image for Bush Claims Infallibility

WASHINGTON D.C. - Speaking to a group of evangelical Christian ministers in the Oval Office, President Bush said today he had been given the cloak of infallibility by God. He claimed he was measured and fitted for the cloak months ago, but was only recently able to pick it up.

"It's still a little tight around the collar," noted the President, "but I didn't want to wait any longer."

The ministers seemed stunned by the announcement, and after a long, uncomfortable silence, the Reverend Jacob Wilkes from Tennessee raised his hand.

"Mr. President, with all due respect, I've never heard of a "cloak of infallibility."

Smiling, Bush responded, "Of course you haven't, but you will. It's in The Bible, Part II, which is being written by the big guy as we speak."

A red-faced reverend from Georgia stood up. "Are you trying to tell us God is writing a sequel to the Bible?"

"Yes," responded the President. "It's in draft form, but there are a number of publishers expressing interest. But getting back to the cloak, the ramifications of this are tremendous. For instance, if I told you to jam that pen in your eye, you'd think I was crazy. But in reality, poking out your eye would be the exact right thing to do because I can't make a wrong decision. Wild. Huh?"

A member of the party asked Bush if he was wearing the cloak. "It's invisible, of course. I have to wear it or I'm not infallible and I'd be just like you. I wish you could see it because it's really quite stylish."

The meeting abruptly ended when several secret service agents entered and ushered the visiting ministers out of the Oval Office and into black buses parked outside the White House. A White House spokesperson said the President would talk to the nation about his cloak in an upcoming speech. "The President has always been right," said the source, "but now he's even more right, which is very exciting."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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