Malibu - (Ass press): Singer Britney Spears has completed a 28 day treatment course at the Promises, Promises! rehab and has checked out sporting what looks like a cocaine patch on her arm.
The Malibu clinic is famous for its gradual weaning-off therapies and has used patient patches for a variety of intoxicants including nicotine, alcohol, cannabis and hubris.
"Most narcotics are easily neutralised using this gradual method," said a rehab spokesman.
"But we also administer patches using our patented homeopathic remedies for withdrawal from psycho-toxic conditions like attention seeking disorder, megalomania, shoplifting, compulsive mendacity and, of course, hubris."
In Britney's case speculation focuses on a cocaine patch but medical opinion is divided pending official analysis.
"It might be one of those reality check patches given to celebrities who can't distinguish between their personal mythology from the record label's PR gush," said Dr Bumpkins of the LA Blaggers Clinic, a rival establishment dealing predominantly with politicians.
The singer has promised to give her first post-rehab interview this week where closer scrutiny may reveal just what's behind the sticking plaster on her left arm.