Washington AC/DC: (Rioters): A massive damage limitation excercise is underway at the Pentagon after persistent leaks that George W Bush is a violent, holograpically-generated remote-controlled image modelled on Star Trek Voyager's holodoctor. And the White House a fiendish holo-deck constructed by aliens.
The military's need for an obedient, malleable and convincing wingnut politician took several decades to replicate according to sources which worked on Pentagon retro-engineering projects during the Cold Whore years.
After succcessful imputs by the Justice Department's shredding of Bush family criminal records a number of prototypes were created, some of which ran on unleaded, some on bourbon and the remainder on cocaine.
Eventually a God-fearin' born-again teetotal zealot with a pea-sized brain and matching phallus was rewired using Hollywood plot lines and astrological mapping from Karl Rove's Kremlin mentors.
Last night's bravura performance rationalising the splurge of billions of extra dollars rewriting the Iraq script was an undoubted masterpiece in desperation management.
But some are wondering whether the fiendish holodeck can survive another rewiring as beleagured Attorney General Alberto Gonzales battles to survive a no-confidence vote on his over-zealous use of cheap and tacky hairdye.
Rev Pat Robertson is 73