WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney have repeatedly said that "all options are on the table" in dealing with Iran. Recently, White House spokesman Tony Snow said that talk of invading Iran is "silly." Today, these apparently conflicting statements were reconciled.
"Certainly all options are on the table, and certainly invading Iran would be silly," said Iva Tight-Sphincter, deputy communications director, as she explained that there is no contradiction. "Why is that inconsistent? When has this administration ever ruled out any option just because it's silly? I think if you take a close look at things, we've done a lot of silly stuff."
"We thought about firing every U.S. Attorney. Think about that, every one of them. Why? No real reason that we could think of," said Tight-Sphincter modestly hiding a titter of her own while recounting the episode. "That idea was so silly that we couldn't stop giggling about it long enough to get rid of more than 8 or 9 of them."
"Don't forget about the Walter Reed thing, whatever that's about. I honestly can't keep up with all of it sometimes," she candidly admitted. "We thought it would be hysterical if we just said nothing was wrong. It all would have been fine, too, if stupid Congress had just minded its own business like it has the past 6 years."
"Doesn't that Constitution thing say something about the President being the only one who controls the military?" Tight-Sphincter mused. "Maybe we should sue Congress for butting in where they don't belong. Sounds silly enough that it might work."