President George W. Bush announced a sweeping new program that would allow illegal aliens residing in the United States to apply for legal status, at least in the short term.
In a statement issued from the Happy Dale Sanitarium for the Sadly Nuts in Crawford, Texas where the president is undergoing treatment, the president said, "It's time that we welcomed our little green friends into the fold of America. I don't care if they're from Mars, Alpha Centuri, or another dimension altogether, aliens can be productive members of society, at least until we get tired of them and kick them out. Remember, if alien spaceships were illegal, then only illegal aliens would have spaceships."
Karl Rove, the Presidents chief of staff, issued the following statement.
"What the President meant to say was that it's an election year and we really want to con the Mexicans and the Hispanic community in general into thinking that we care about the wet back vote.
In the coming months you can also expect the Administration to announce initiatives giving every African American in the country a new car and fifty dollars worth of McDonalds coupons as well as our new and exciting ‘Guns for Rednecks' program, which would give every member of the Ku Klux Klan and John Birch Society a semi automatic rifle of their choice.
True, it'll cost us more than the three hundred dollars per person we paid in the last election per vote, but this Administration is committed to spending money like it's going out of style, so who cares, really?"