Written by Breeze
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Thursday, 15 March 2007

image for Al-Qaida No.3 admits 'I killed Kennedy.......and Bambi....and Jimmy Hoffa'
Mr Mohammed ordering a pizza yesterday

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed cemented his position as Al-Qaida's most ambitious operational planner after confessing to a litany of unsolved crimes and admitting to planning and supporting thousands more.

Many plots, including several to kill former Presidents, were never carried out or foiled by international counter-terrorist agencies.

Mohammed, known as KSM among government officials, was last seen when he was captured in 2003. Since then he has been kept in a secret detention system run by the CIA.

Some Human Rights groups have claimed that Mohammed has only admitted to his crimes after years of torture, senior Whitehouse officials, however, have said that Khalid was not under duress when he confessed to his crimes.

So far, the Al-Quida operative has admitted to:

Planning and carrying out the 9/11 attacks

Trying to kill the Pope and several Presidents, as well as Tony Blair and and planning to blow up Parliment.

Shooting John F Kennedy in Dallas in November 1963

Causing an iceburg to strike the Titanic in April 1912, causing the death of over 1875 innocent victims.

Kidnapping, torturing and killing Teamsters boss, Jimmy Hoffa.

Shooting and killing Disney favourite, Bambi, in an unprovoked attack.

Gruesomely murdering several prostitutes in East London, whilst operating under the nomme de guerre, 'Jack the Ripper'.

In a statement, read out by Mohammed last night, he whimpered,
"I did it! I swear, I did it. Just don't beat me again. I'll tell you anything you want. Just don't beat me anymore!"

In conclusion then, it wasn't Osama Bin Laden what done it. It was this fella.

We've rid the world of terrorism and everything is alright again. Just in time for the election.

Happy Days!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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