Written by Selmer
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Wednesday, 14 March 2007

image for Arkansas's legislature addresses punctuation
If that apostrophe comes round here I'll blow its head off!

LITTLE ROCK -- Arkansas Rep. Steve Harrelson has introduced a resolution to declare that the official way to form the possessive of the state is "Arkansas's." The dispute arises because different stylebooks have different usages for forming the plural of singular nouns that end in "s," with some preferring to add simply an apostrophe, while others state that an additional "s" must be added at the end.

Reaction around the state has been mixed.

Bubba Bentonville, Arkansas's Director of Edumacation, was surprised to hear that Arkansas ended with an "s." "Well I'll be!" exclaimed the stunned Bentonville. "I always thought it were spelled A-R-K-A-N ... ummmm ... S-A-W!" He then quickly contacted the Clinton presidential library to let them know of his discovery so they could revise their materials accordingly.

Billy Joe Bob Blytheville, Arkansas' Director of the Mason Jar Buried out Back of the Outhouse, was very excited about the news. "That mason jar's looking right empty nowadays. I don't recollect ever hearin' 'bout this here apostro fee before, but we shore could use the money."

Ezekial Texarkana, Arkansas's's Direction of That Ole Time Religion opposed the resolution. "Ahm agin it! The bible spells Jesus' name without an extra 's' and iffin it's good enough fer the Lord, it's good enough fer me!" When Rep. Harrelson pointed out that the bible wasn't originally written in English, Mr. Texarkana splashed holy water on him and said he was going to hell for blaspheming.

Arkansa's Attorney General, Jethro Arkadelphia, called the Attorneys General of Massachusettes, Kansas, Texas and Illinois to see if they would join the state in presenting a resolution to congress in support of Arkansas'' measure. He seemed undaunted by the gales of hysterical laughter he got in response. "Folks laughed at the Wright brothers, too, but they still got to the moon anyway."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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