Written by Breeze
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Monday, 12 March 2007

image for Ed Nabors - I soiled myself when I heard I'd won.
Mr Nabors visiting a prostitute last night

Ed Nabors told reporters that he 'shat' himself on Wednesday, after learning that he had one of the winning tickets for the record $390 million Mega Millions lottery jackpot.

"I was in ma truck" he drawled, "An' I heard on the Ray-dee-oh that the ticket had been bought in a liquor store. Well, I checked ma numbers and son-of-a-gun, I had just won the lottery!!! Shoot....I just evacuated ma bowels right there and then."

Nabors smelt so bad, "They sent him home from work", says his mother, Doris "Hoooeee ... that boy sure did stink. I suppose y'all could say he was stinkin' rich! I had to put him in the crick an' scrub him down with wire wool."

"Soiling oneself is not uncommon for Mega Million jackpot winners." says William Jordane, acting execuative director of the Mega Millions Lottery, "When Jack Whittaker won the $314.9 million dollars in 2002, he crapped himself on a daily basis for at least a month. Even now, whenever he thinks about how lucky he is, he shits himself."

When asked what he would spend his money on, Mr Nabors replied, "I'm gonna put ma Momma in a home and spend the rest on pros-tee-tutes."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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