Bogota - (Ass press): Scareforce One has finally touched down at Colombia's Bogota Airport in what is being billed as the highlight of George W Bush's flagship crack barons tour.
His first appointment will be with the country's President Manuel Uribe who has spent the last 12 months preparing for the visit by shedding an astonishing 395lbs.
Most of that poundage was seized by Royal Navy narcotics patrol boats who confiscated it as contraband before a major recylcing operation saw it redistributed among the poor by London Mayor Ken Livingstone.
The US Republican Party has given Colombian organised crime cartels massive financial handouts during the last decade and helped its Animal Rights campaigners in their protracted fight against left-wing gorrilas.
The Bush visit is somewhat overshadowed by the recent eclipsed full moon which saw the start of the President's desecration tour of ancient Latin American sacred sites renowned for their mystical rejuventation properties.
Meanwhile Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez is conducting a rival tour of Latin American countries where he is happily denouncing the US visitor as a satanic child molestor bankrolled by the Rothschilds and Goldman Sax.
The Bush tour will culminate tomorrow in a formal bid to desecrate one of the Mayan people's most sacred ancient sites where a blood sacrifice will be performed by Karl Rove's tarot reader to appease the Justice Department into allowing Bush to issue Scooter Libby with an unconditional pardon.
Laura Bush is still apoplectic.