LUNDON, ENGLUND (IPU)--Cadbury, the British candy manufacturer, has announced a recall of some 30 million tons of Easter Island Statue candy not properly labeled with warnings for those with bad backs & hernias. The candy similar in appearance to the hundreds of enormous stone statues strewn all over Easter Island, need to include, by law, the round one inch label to protect against legal prosecution.
The mammoth undertaking began yesterday morning with a convoy of huge cranes stretching for miles & miles. Each crane is designated for different locations throughout the countryside. Once there, the mighty crane lifts the towering candy from its' shelf and returned to the manufacturer, where the label is carefully applied, then reloaded on the flat bed truck and returned to the store for selling.
"The Rapa Nui civilization who flourished for more than a millennium ago...", says Todd Stitzer, CEO, Cadbury Schweppes, "...would celebrate their Easter egg hunts a bit differently from our modern day version. Children participating in the search for eggs would be told that it is under the candy. Their task is to begin eating the gigantically delightful confectionery treat till it was gone to expose the egg hidden underneath. Which probably explains why the lot of them perished overnight. You can still see many of the candy which was never fully consumed, petrified, & dotted all over the island. A very sordid affair."
"The last company recall concerned a salmonella scare last year costing Cadbury almost $60 million. The problem there was due to what, company officials say, was a possible nut allergy. Advertisements ran warning consumers with allergies.", Stitzer continues, "I mean really, there is nothing worst than eating someone's eggs and finding out you are allergic to their nuts!"