New Haven, Connecticut - Today a plot was uncovered to assassinate US President George Bush. The government has obscured much of the facts, but one of our reporters discovered that Vice President Cheney and former President George H. W. Bush and former Florida Governor Jeb Bush were involved.
Some of the information was confirmed by former Cheney aid Scooter Libby: "Dick couldn't wait any longer to take the over as Commander-in-Chief. You know that Jeb has been groomed to take the Vice President position. I was supposed to get Secretary of State, but I heard Father Bush wanted Aaron Friedberg in that position, Dan Quayle was going to Secretary of Defense. Steve Forbes was to get Treasury. George was the sacrificial lamb, his ratings weren't going to rise anytime soon, but after his demise, the sympathy factor would stifle critics of the Bush family and Cheney. The operation was to occur during his South America trip; that would achieve sympathy at home and increased support for US action in the region. They couldn't allow the Dems to gain anymore ground. In the words of Father Bush, as he is known around the PNAC picnic table: Immediate action had to be taken."
We found an Air Force General who spoke on the condition of anonymity, who said: "The operation was to be carried out by the tower team, the same guys that they got to do the 9-11 attacks, this time it would have been Air Force One doing a kamikaze dive in Venezuela. We've been able to fly by wireless control flawlessly for the last twenty years. Cheney was going to initiate the draft in his first week, he told us he was going to double the number of military bases we had around the world from 850 to 1700."
We asked a former dishwasher at the White House what his take on this was. He said: "The ramifications of this plot could shake the people's confidence in their government, if their confidence could wane any more than it is now, dude. If this plot wasn't revealed and it was set in motion, the most dudes would just believe anything the controlled media tells them. We saw that in 9-11. I have to laugh: Al Qaeda in a cave, carrying out all that operation flawlessly? Right, and the laws of physics put on hold, what idiots would believe that? Oh right, the American people, I can't believe they never cared to push for a real investigation into 9-11, the loss of their constitutional rights, the torture, the whole mess? Dude, like is America a lost cause?"
This reporter is moving to Togo.