In a surprising move, White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card has outsourced the President's job to India. "We need to show the nation we are serious about trimming expenses and lowering the deficit. The best place to start is right here at home. When we asked ourselves the tough questions - who's overpaid, who's deadweight, who's an empty suit - well, the choice to be made became obvious."
The President's duties will be assumed by New Delhi, India native Mastiff Dique who will be compensated at a rate of 6.00 American Dollars per hour. As a first chore, Mr. Dique will be addressing the American public on the Iraq War through a videotape mailed from India. Advanced viewing of this tape reveals Mr. Dique dressed in a skin tight flight suit with sock stuffed crotch shouting, "bring them on, bring them on" in a queer Indian accent.
When questioned how this would affect the upcoming election, Karl Rove, now the top adviser to Mr. Dique, stated flatly, "We believe the American public fully supports the values and agenda of Mr. Dique. You are either with Mr. Dique or you are with the terrorists."
George W. Bush, whose job was outsourced, was last seen mumbling into his beer at his ranch in Texas.