Written by Gareth Carpenter
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Tuesday, 6 January 2004

image for Britney a "crap lay" says ex-husband
Britney "failed to live up to expectations"

The ex-husband of Britney Spears has revealed why their surprise marriage was annulled less than 55 hours after the pair tied the knot - because she was a "crap lay".

"I love Britney to death," said childhood friend Jason Alexander who married the singer on Saturday morning. "But hell man, I never knew she was so shit in bed."

Alexander denied that he and Spears, both 22, were intoxicated before the marriage ceremony at the Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas.

"The only thing I was drunk on was testosterone," he said. "But I sure wasted my time thinking I could get my rocks off with Britney."

Spears' lawyer David Chesnoff said his client had "lacked understanding of her actions to the extent that she was incapable of agreeing to the marriage."

"Basically that means she's a dumb cow," laughed one source close to the singer.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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