Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 6 March 2007

image for Scientific Breakthrough Excites Boffins
Dr Rwrzyznerson

A report in a top scientific journal claims that a new scientific breakthrough has been made that could change the lives of millions of people.

The claim, made in Bunkum magazine, reckons the breakthrough could have important implications in the fields of medicine, biology, technology, astronomy, Deutronomy, neurology, all or none of the above.

Science, it says, is a complicated subject so complicated, that few people understand it.

Generally, scientists are geekish freaks with long matted beards, who wear extremely unfashionable and outdated clothing under a white coat.

They usually work at Universities, and have a specialism most people have never heard of. This makes them indispensible when a subject comes up that nobody neither knows nor cares about.

Professor Edgar Szchyzna, a respected lecturer in Thermodynamic Nuclear Tinkerings (TNT) at the University of Silicon Chips in Nevada, said:

"If this discovery is half as interesting as they say it is, I'll eat my hat."

Another eminent freak, Dr Paul Rwrzyznerson, a Microbiophilatelist at Camberwick Green Institute of Puppetry, went further. When asked about the discovery, he garbled a sentence that contained the terms 'nuclear fission', 'reactive states' and 'cunnilingus', whilst frothing unhealthily at the mouth.

If a significant breakthrough has been made, it will be considered by experts, watered down and put into language that mere simpletons can understand, and disseminated to them through teatime news channels, by presenters almost as dim as the viewers.

Marvin Wrchynik, of UCLIT in Santa Barbara, summed it up best when he said:

"Science is simple. It only starts to become difficult when we humans antipsychomonolitigate it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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