Condowingo, Maryland - (DissassoCIAted Press): The FBI has discovered human skeletal remains including satanic-looking cauldrons in the wooded area of Belle Manor Road which may have been used in a typical Bonesmen's human sacrifice ritual during this weekend's lunar eclipse.
Reports have suggested that the Osteoporosis Division of the Ancient American Order of the Skull 'N' Bones and its UK Hellfire Club outreach office may be responsible for yet another attempt to raise the Devil.
Satanic ritual experts have said this looks like a typical knee-jerk panic reaction to the Scooter Libby trial in Washington where Dick Cheney's aide faces up to 20 years in the slammer for a career dedicated to shielding his pervert boss.
The remains are being examined at the local coroner's office and DNA is being cross-referenced with members of the Bush Administration.
Dick Cheney is 69.