Written by Moose&Squirell
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Monday, 5 March 2007

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More Mega Millions Money Madness Mounts

YOURLANDIS, MYLANTA, JOEGA (RUTRZ) The Mega Millions Jackpot now stands at a astounding $420 Million for Tuesday nights drawing. This is after nobody matched all five numbers plus the mega ball since January 9th, allowing the total to rollover one more time. Larry Waffel, owner of 'Waffle's Liquor and More Liquor' store at Geezers Hallow in Scoobee, Michigan, had this to say about the Frenzied buying, "I've had long lines all day long. People like getting their lotto tickets here because the wait is long and they can get drunk while they stand in line."

Just during rush hour on Sunday evening, the Martin Luther King Liquor and News in Athens Georgia, sold Mega Millions tickets to more than 3000 people. The owners Barry & Savannah Wally, try to put everything in perspective following the events of the last few days of Mega Million Fever. "We wish it was ovah, Dammit! We wanna close da store at a reasonable hour." The couples request won't be heard tonight as too many are still lined up outside waiting to come in.

In Cheesesteak Park, Massachusetts cold & rainy weather didn't keep the locals from lining up for their chance at the golden ring. Stories traded at Ryan And Casey Liquors, Beer and Wine-o's delights, about a new car...new house...new wife, permeated the party-like setting. Singing of ole Irish tunes and dancing with the help of a miniature accordion, whilst keeping a beat with a weather beaten Shellaylee, kept the foul-mouth, urban crowd pacified. "Feck! Arse! Drink! Gearls! & of course Lotto tickets, is what us Oirish demand today", blurted out a rather bombed & smelly, Teddy O'Herlahee.

Across the country in King City, California, Jasper Tittleson's Dairy Stop and Bowling Alley has had their register ringing non-stop for hours. "The line winds around the corner onto the construction site where they're building that new septic tank for the high school. They don't seem to mind the smell if it gives them a chance to win all that money!"

In Chicago's south side a feel of safety and Christmas-like cheer embrace everyone quietly lined outside Mikey Dread's Beverage Depot, "Plenty of money for lotto tickets in your left pocket & a Smith&Wesson in the other.", chuckles market owner Mombasas Ramakeele. "Rastah!"

This jackpot growing since January 9, had now rolled 15 times without a winner. The odds of winning the jackpot were approximately 1 in 176 million. Mega Millions is played in 12 states: California, Georgia, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Texas, Virginia and Washington. Mega Millions drawings are held Tuesdays and Fridays at 11:00 PM Eastern Time, 10:00 PM Central Time and 8:00 PM Pacific Time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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