In an unexpected, special State of the Union message which interrupted all evening television and radio programs at 8 p.m. (E.S.T.) last night, President George W. Bush announced he will balance the budget of the United States of America and end the national deficit. Although unable to release full details at this time, the President did say he had been contacted via e-mail by a high-ranking official of Nigeria, a friendly African nation.
Bush has petitioned Congress for authorization to temporarily use the entire Social Security trust fund until the Nigerian Prince successfully transfers funds out of rebel-controlled banks. A Senior Administration official, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said, "This is what we have all been praying for. We knew God would come through for His favorite country."
President Bush, sometimes referred to simply as "W," the nickname his parents gave him so he could spell his name in school, is supporting the unusual proceedings of having the Prince wire the reimbursement (with interest added) directly into the President's personal checking account. However, Bush explained that the terms of this lucrative financial arrangement required fast action. Furthermore, the Nigerian Prince had specifically requested the President's personal account number and password to initiate the terms of this deal. Bush said this will ensure tight security and indicate our country's sincerity in stepping forward during the ruler's legitimate time of need.
The Democrats, along with a handful of Republicans who are seeking re-election this year, have already begun bombasting this plan However, Bush says he not only has faith in the Nigerian royalty but will gladly make a copy of the e-mail available to the press in order to appease any nay-sayers.