Written by Zachary Buckler
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Saturday, 3 March 2007

Constipated Press: Breaking News - Mike Nifong, the District Attorney for Durham, North Carolina, claims that aliens literally took control of his mind. He claims this is why he kept the Duke Lacrose going without any real evidence.

In an interview he said: "I kept the case going because an a small alien is living inside my brain and controlling my brain". I had a heachache that would not go away, so I went to the doctor to get my head x-rayed to see if I had tumor. The x-rays showed what appeared to be a small creature inside my brain."

When asked how the new the alien was controlling his brain he said, "Every time I tried to end the case, the alien would make me keep it going. Thankfully the alien decided to leave my brain 3 weeks ago."

Nifong would not give a reason as to why the alien would take over his brain and make him continue with the Duke Lacrosse case.

Nifong is currently in an alien abduction rehabilitation program.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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