Written by Doug Powers
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Saturday, 3 January 2004

image for Fifth Democratic presidential candidate narrowly averts Dukakis endorsement
Members of the "Gephardt for President" campaign staff hide behind hedges until Dukakis takes his endorsement elsewhere

Al Sharpton has become the fifth candidate to say "thanks, but no thanks" to former presidential candidate Michael Dukakis' offer to endorse the Reverend's campaign. This according to a spokesman for Sharpton, who had barricaded himself inside the campaign headquarters as Dukakis drove up.

Dukakis, former Massachusetts governor and presidential candidate, who had a disastrous campaign and went down to huge defeat at the hands of George HW Bush in '88, keeps trying.

"He peeked in the window, but we turned the lights off and didn't answer" said the spokesman. "He knocked again, and again, then finally went away. It was the longest 15 minutes of my life--worse than when Mondale showed up last month."

This news comes on the heels of Dukakis' attempt to offer an endorsement to John Kerry, Dick Gephardt, Howard Dean, and Carol Moseley Braun, all of whom have either not answered the door or pretended that Dukakis got the wrong number when he called.

Other candidates are now stepping up defensive preparations in anticipation that Dukakis will try to endorse them. Dennis Kucinich's camp has installed a highly sophisticated "caller I.D." system on their phones, which displays the name and location of the caller. "If he tries to get around that, this little baby will also tell us if the call is coming from a pay phone...a clear sign that it's Dukakis."

Remaining candidates have posted armed guards with photos of what Dukakis may look like in dozens of different disguises, and some are using sniffer dogs trained to smell humiliating defeat from hundreds of yards away.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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