Washington DC - (DissassoCIAted Press): Clutching his copy of UK tabloid News of the Screws a beaming President George W Bush told a press conference today that a California rehab has diagnosed Britney as a succubus - a demonic female entity that drains men's scrotums and warps their minds.
The paper had reported that the singer had been severely affected by the lunar eclipse this weekend and scrawled 666 the Sign of the Beast on her forehead after mistaking the blood red lunation for the President's manhood.
"Some folks been sayin' I'm the evil in their lives causin' civil whore and terra and random pacts of violence.
"But Britney's finally 'fessed she's the Antichrist. Sure hope she never tries her fellatin' devilry on a strong God-fearing man like me."
But Malibu rehab staff have said it was just a typical detox reaction that led Britney to imagine she must bear Bush a male heir to get her sanity back.
"Once she'd vomited up some hair extensions that was still blocking her alimentary she was back to normal," said a nurse. "She's ain't no real wacko like the President."