Written by Chuck Terzella
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Topics: White House, Crime

Wednesday, 31 December 2003

Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky, whose brief affair with Bill Clinton nearly ended in the impeachment of the former President in 1999 for the crime of sleeping with some really ugly women, has had her claim to recoup 1.16 million US dollars she allegedly spent on legal fees associated with whole ‘Monica-gate' fiasco denied. When informed of the ruling Ms. Lewinsky responded, "Who do you have to sleep with to get any justice around here?"

The chubby chanteuse's trouble began when she told her friend, Linda Tripp, about her escapades with Mr. Clinton. Ms. Tripp, whose dictionary apparently does not include the words loyalty or discretion, promptly began recording her conversations with Ms. Lewinsky, which she then handed over to Special Prosecutor Kenneth Starr. The Starr Chamber then spent forty five million dollars investigating Mr. Clinton's affair, making the president's liaison with Ms. Lewinsky the most expensive roll in the hay ever recorded.

Ironically, Ms. Tripp was recently awarded six hundred thousand dollars in a lawsuit against her former employer the Pentagon who had released her personal information to the press without her consent.

Ms. Lewinsky is currently trying to make a go of it designing handbags, of all things. The purses are unique in that they contain secret compartments for storing evidence bags, DNA samples, etc.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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